The Limping Lady - Feedback - 04-12-2023
What the judges say about my short story called, "The Limping Lady".
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On January 20, 2023, I wrote my second, 2,500-word NYC MicroFiction Competition.
I was given the following criteria to use in my story:
Genre: Spy
Subject: Collateral damage
Character: A rifleman
Word Length: 2,500 maximum
Here's what "they" (the judges) say about my short story called, "The Limping Lady".
Dear Anita Wladichuk,
The feedback from the judges on your 1st Round submission from the Short Story Challenge 2023 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful, and you are proud of the story you created. Thank you for participating, and we hope to see you in a future competition!
''The Limping Lady'' by Anita Wladichuk - WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - {2256} I thought that the backstory that the writer had created for Jenna was extremely detailed and well thought out, and did a great job of using details from history to shape Jenna's life story. I also thought the dinner at Hitler's mansion was a clever diversion. {2051} I thought this was an interesting concept and a good and important story to tell. Women have been marginalized throughout history and I love that you have put Jenna at the forefront of this story. {2038} The concept of an attractive female spy with a peg leg is intriguing. Your description of the scene at Hitler's home was well-done -- I appreciated "seeing" the painting in the foyer, and the description of the champagne glasses and platter. Jenna's guile in framing the maids was clever and well thought-out. WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {2256} The formatting and style of this story makes it feel like a cold retelling of Jenna's life rather than an engaging one. It kind of read like an excerpt out of a history textbook, which I think made Jenna's story less impactful. I think seeing the story from her POV or focussing on a single incident while mentioning others would have worked better. I am also confused why the real Hitler would appear at the party and tell Jenna about his security officer's warning, it seemed extremely uncharacteristic and odd to me. {2051} This piece felt a bit like a nonfiction essay at times and I would encourage you to work on placing the reader into the action and showing us what is happening rather than telling us. I do think that there is a lot of potential for this story and the concept, but it needs to grow from the facts of the plot into a multifaceted narrative with dialogue and action and intrigue. {2038} You occasionally slip into present tense (ie. "she is a spy" at the end of page 1) -- keeping consistently to past tense would be ideal. Overall, this story would benefit from more "showing" and less "telling." At the beginning of the story, for example, you tell us what the story is about and how Jenna got her peg leg. Instead, you might describe a scene of Jenna in action with her peg leg, and then drop in the backstory of how she got it. Instead of telling us that she is a famous spy, you could demonstrate through her actions and efficiency how effective she is (and perhaps limit the description of how famous she is to just a line or two). I was curious about how well a cocktail dress could disguise a peg leg, as it would be much more difficult to walk on than today's current prosthetics. Would all these men and admirers still find her attractive? It seemed odd that Hitler would ask Jenna about the disturbance -- wouldn't his military officers have informed him immediatly, and put him under extra protection? The final paragraph felt a little too much like the conclusion of an essay -- instead, perhaps you could give us a brief picture into Jenna's life today. Is she sitting somewhere exotic, sipping a cocktail and reminiscing about all of these things?