NYC SHORT STORY CHALLENGE 2024 - 1ST ROUND FEEDBACK - SILENCE AND SECRETS
Where Did All The Children Go?
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On January 19, 2024, I wrote the 1st round of the 18th Annual NYC Short Story Challenge.
I was given the following criteria to use in my story:
Genre: Political Satire
Subject: Ad-Lib
Character: A fangirl
Time: Eight days
Maximum Length: 2,500 Words
Here's what "they" (the judges) say about my short story called, "Silence and Secrets".
Dear Anita Wladichuk,
The feedback from the judges on your 1st Round submission from the Short Story Challenge 2024 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful, and you are proud of the story you created. Thank you for participating, and we hope to see you in a future competition!
''Silence and Secrets'' by Anita Wladichuk - WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - {2414} The opening image of thoughts running through a girl's head was a nice hook, setting up for a story of a conflicted child. The third paragraph effectively elucidates both Willow's home and school lives, giving just enough information to keep a reader interested without spoiling the mystery of the opening image. {2415} The writer’s passion shines through in this story, with powerful language and vivid imagery. Willow’s curiosity about the world and its injustices imbues the writing with an energy that pulls at the reader’s heartstrings and calls for the world to ensure a better future for our children. {2419} This story tackles the important topic of the removal of Indigenous children by the Canadian government and the Christian church. The narrative concerns the relationship between a girl, Willow, who is a survivor of one of the residential schools run by priests and nuns, and her mother, who is reluctant to discuss Willow’s negative experiences. WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {2414} After building a character backstory in the first five paragraphs, the piece loses its narrative elements altogether as the mother is introduced to give an oral history of Canadian Indigenous Peoples.
Beginning on the third page, the narrator brings up topics of COVID restrictions and representation in politics and media, but this isn't mentioned by Willow or her mother during their conversation. The piece could have been significantly more impactful had the oral history and other points from the second page onward been interwoven with the established narrative, rather than changing course. {2415} With the wide scope of this story, the writer does a great job transitioning between past and present. Sometimes, however, I found myself disconnected from Willow and where we were in the story as it relates to her. The elements are all on the page, but perhaps tying them Willow and how she absorbs the information presented to her may center her in the story and serve to help make the story's message land even harder. {2419} It would be interesting to learn more about the story of Willow and her mother. To ground the reader in the world of the story, you might consider adding some additional details during the conversation between Willow and her mother. You could describe where they are during their conversations (a specific room in the house, for example). You could also describe what each one of them looks like. And, you could give them some specific actions or gestures to preform during the conversation that reveal their inner state. For example, if a character is uncomfortable, they could look down or away from the person they are talking to, or they might clench the edge of the table. Another thing you could do is add a detail that points to the father, who is not present for these conversations. Willow could see empty beer or liquor bottles in the house, which would prompt her to think or talk about his absence, and reveal where he is at that moment (out drinking with his friends, as she tells us now). At the conclusion of the story, you might consider showing Willow and her mother finally connecting. Or, you could show how Willow’s mother can’t connect with her daughter, no matter what. Either way, this would provide a resolution for the tension between the your two main characters.
To read the actual story that I wrote, here is the link: